June 21, 2010

The 36 Rules of Life ~ #LMAO #Humor #Funny

Amplify’d from mendel.soup.io
The 36 Rules of Life

1. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


2. Don’t worry about what people
think, they don’t do it very often.


3. Going to church doesn’t make you a
Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.


4. Artificial intelligence is no
match for natural stupidity.


5. If you must choose between two
evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.


6. My idea of housework is to sweep
the room with a glance.


7. Not one shred of evidence supports
the notion that life is serious.


8. A person who is nice to you but
rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.


9. For every action, there is an
equal and opposite government program.


10. If you look like your passport
picture, you probably need the trip.


11. Bills travel through the mail
at twice the speed of checks.


12. A conscience is what hurts when
all of your other parts feel so good.


13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.


1 4. Men are from
earth. Women
are from earth. Deal with it.


15. No man has ever been shot while
doing the dishes.


16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each
hand.


17. Middle age is when broadness of
the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.


18. Opportunities always look bigger
going than coming.


19. Junk is something you’ve kept for
years and throw away three weeks before you need it.


20. There is always one more imbecile
than you counted on.


21. Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


22. By the time you can make ends
meet, they move the ends.


23. Thou shalt not weigh more than
thy refrigerator.


24. Someone who thinks logically
provides nice contrast to the real world.


25. It ain’t the jeans that make your
butt look fat.


26. If you had to identify in one
word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential,
that word would be ‘meetings’.


27. There is a very fine line between
‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’


28. People who want to share their
religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


29. You should not confuse your
career with your life.


30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance
well. Just get up and dance.


31. Never lick a steak knife.


32. The most destructive force in the
universe is gossip.


33. You will never find anybody who
can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings
time.


34. You should never say anything to a
woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless
you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


35. The one thing that unites all
human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or
ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good
drivers.


36. Your friends love you anyway.






The 36 Rules of Life
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